Emotional Free For All

Something feels weird today. I'm over the moon for Margot- who makes life interesting and busy. But I simultaneously feel so very sad. Maybe it's the weather around here. Rain, with more rain, and a side of rain... and if it's really cheery- perhaps an overcast day.

I miss Bob like nobody's business.

And I'm having extremely stressful dreams... and have been every night for a month. There's always a problem in the dream I can't solve. I wake with a racing heart.

And I keep ordering the cutest clothes in size 10... which I managed to wear both yesterday and today. Thank goodness for those tiny victories.

I KNOW it will be okay. It always is, and I'm handling life really very well, I think. No- I know.

I just feel a little blue. You know when you say to yourself, "If you could be anywhere, do anything, eat anything, hear anything to make you feel better- what would it be?" Sometimes I ask myself that question to see if there is anything I can do that really WILL make me feel better. Tonight there is but one answer, and it's one I can't make happen.

I just want Bob.

A Big First...

Today Margot had her first non-family babysitter! Our 15 year old neighbor, Elora, came over to watch Margot for three hours while I went to a meeting on post (where kids were not really welcome. Though an exception could have been made for a nursing infant, I think).

Margot did well. She drank one bottle of my milk and one of formula. She looked pretty milk drunk when I got home, but I still coaxed her to nurse a little bit before I put her to bed.

It was a pretty big milestone for us. I think Elora is great, and she is fantastic with Margot. We plan to use her services regularly. Now I need about three more sitters just like her to round out the just-in-case team!

It is kind of a shame to pay to go to a meeting, but I am envisioning going to a movie in the near future... and THAT I don't mind paying for whatsoever!

Mom Jeans

For the first time in my life, I think I understand the concept behind "Mom Jeans." You know the ones: high waisted with LOTS of elastic. I've got probably fifteen more pounds to lose to get back in my size 8's. I'll get there, but it's a process. Right now I'm in a 12... and here's the problem:

With running and rowing, I've managed to lose most of the fat from my legs and butt, but there is still the belly to contend with. I know it will take time for the uterus to shrink back completely (six months) and for that skin to regain its elasticity (and to lose those extra pounds). But the end result is what happened yesterday.

I broke down and bought a pair of GAP "Long and Lean" jeans in a size 12 and wore them for the first time yesterday. They're really a nice pair of jeans, but the fit is not quite right. The legs and butt are too big in a 12, but the waist fits just right! Now, I think if I invested in a couple pairs of Mom Jeans, I could probably wear a 10 or even an 8 already. I just need a little stretch in the waistline.

Alas, I've still got my pride. Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to the treadmill I go...

Sleepville

Last night I decided to stick to my guns and get Margot to sleep in her crib for the first time. I LOVE having her in bed with me, but it's not going to work in the long run, so I thought it might be time to move her to her room.

From 9:00 to midnight I was questioning my resolve. Then at midnight, I fed her one more time and said to her, "Now it's REALLY time to go to sleep now. No more crying." She looked at me with big old eyes, and I left the room. Not a peep until 3:30. I fed her in the dark and put her back in her crib where she slept without crying until 6:30.

Again, I fed her and put her back to bed. Then I ran on the treadmill for a half hour, ate breakfast, read a chapter in my book, took a shower- and then woke Margot up for the day at 9:00.

She was a happy baby, and I was a happy mommy.

I tried to do the same thing at nap time today, but didn't get more than 30 minutes of sleep at a time out of her. Baby steps.

We'll be shooting for a repeat performance tonight. Fingers are crossed!!!!