Back to School

As of Monday, my maternity leave is over. I've sort of run the gamut on this one, emotionally. The week after Bob left I was SO ready to back to work (on account of the screaming bundle of joy in my arms and the C-R-A-Z-Y hormones coursing through my body). But then I got the hang of this mothering thing and have really enjoyed these weeks off.

And last week I started mourning the loss of this special time. But now that I am sitting down and planning a unit teaching Science Fiction, I'm starting to get excited about going back. I really do love teaching and I adore my school and colleagues, in particular. Plus I've found that very rarely does the experience I am dreading warrant the level of anxiety I allot it.

Plus my mom will be here to watch Margot these first two weeks back at school. As of January... well, I'm still working on that. February first Margot is definitely in at St. Mike's Tikes in Olympia. But we're still working on the January wait list. -Did I mention she's been on this waiting list since April, when I was only about 4 months pregnant? Anyhoo... more apprehension there. But we'll find someone to watch her, and when she goes to St. Mike's I'm sure she'll have a lovely time with all the babies. And because she's nursed, I think she won't get sick very easily... ah: dread, dread, dread!!! It won't be that bad. In fact, it will be good.

So this is the tune in my head from the movie "Billy Maddison"- "Back to school, back to school..." in Adam Sandler's strange falsetto. I am, indeed, Back to School.

Emotional Free For All

Something feels weird today. I'm over the moon for Margot- who makes life interesting and busy. But I simultaneously feel so very sad. Maybe it's the weather around here. Rain, with more rain, and a side of rain... and if it's really cheery- perhaps an overcast day.

I miss Bob like nobody's business.

And I'm having extremely stressful dreams... and have been every night for a month. There's always a problem in the dream I can't solve. I wake with a racing heart.

And I keep ordering the cutest clothes in size 10... which I managed to wear both yesterday and today. Thank goodness for those tiny victories.

I KNOW it will be okay. It always is, and I'm handling life really very well, I think. No- I know.

I just feel a little blue. You know when you say to yourself, "If you could be anywhere, do anything, eat anything, hear anything to make you feel better- what would it be?" Sometimes I ask myself that question to see if there is anything I can do that really WILL make me feel better. Tonight there is but one answer, and it's one I can't make happen.

I just want Bob.

A Big First...

Today Margot had her first non-family babysitter! Our 15 year old neighbor, Elora, came over to watch Margot for three hours while I went to a meeting on post (where kids were not really welcome. Though an exception could have been made for a nursing infant, I think).

Margot did well. She drank one bottle of my milk and one of formula. She looked pretty milk drunk when I got home, but I still coaxed her to nurse a little bit before I put her to bed.

It was a pretty big milestone for us. I think Elora is great, and she is fantastic with Margot. We plan to use her services regularly. Now I need about three more sitters just like her to round out the just-in-case team!

It is kind of a shame to pay to go to a meeting, but I am envisioning going to a movie in the near future... and THAT I don't mind paying for whatsoever!

Mom Jeans

For the first time in my life, I think I understand the concept behind "Mom Jeans." You know the ones: high waisted with LOTS of elastic. I've got probably fifteen more pounds to lose to get back in my size 8's. I'll get there, but it's a process. Right now I'm in a 12... and here's the problem:

With running and rowing, I've managed to lose most of the fat from my legs and butt, but there is still the belly to contend with. I know it will take time for the uterus to shrink back completely (six months) and for that skin to regain its elasticity (and to lose those extra pounds). But the end result is what happened yesterday.

I broke down and bought a pair of GAP "Long and Lean" jeans in a size 12 and wore them for the first time yesterday. They're really a nice pair of jeans, but the fit is not quite right. The legs and butt are too big in a 12, but the waist fits just right! Now, I think if I invested in a couple pairs of Mom Jeans, I could probably wear a 10 or even an 8 already. I just need a little stretch in the waistline.

Alas, I've still got my pride. Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to the treadmill I go...

Sleepville

Last night I decided to stick to my guns and get Margot to sleep in her crib for the first time. I LOVE having her in bed with me, but it's not going to work in the long run, so I thought it might be time to move her to her room.

From 9:00 to midnight I was questioning my resolve. Then at midnight, I fed her one more time and said to her, "Now it's REALLY time to go to sleep now. No more crying." She looked at me with big old eyes, and I left the room. Not a peep until 3:30. I fed her in the dark and put her back in her crib where she slept without crying until 6:30.

Again, I fed her and put her back to bed. Then I ran on the treadmill for a half hour, ate breakfast, read a chapter in my book, took a shower- and then woke Margot up for the day at 9:00.

She was a happy baby, and I was a happy mommy.

I tried to do the same thing at nap time today, but didn't get more than 30 minutes of sleep at a time out of her. Baby steps.

We'll be shooting for a repeat performance tonight. Fingers are crossed!!!!

Recent Events

How the time flies. Bob's been deployed for three weeks, Margot is six weeks old, and the Cornelius grandparents were just here for a week- and now they're gone. Blink your eyes around here and you'll miss something. 

While Bob and Betty were here we went to the pumpkin patch and picked out a couple of cute pumpkins- none as cute as Margot in her little pumpkin hat, of course!

Here I am: 30 years old. Here Margot is: 6 weeks old. 

I turned 30 on October 15th.  Despite Bob being gone, it was a perfectly lovely day, full of lots of fun things: breaking down to buy a new computer after our seven year old computer finally bit it. The new one is an iMac- AWESOME! Tax free on post- AWESOME! I had a massage and went to dinner with a few friends while Grandma and Grandpa baby sat. Which was so sweet of them.

Margot is learning to be awake without crying as much, and she is smiling a little bit now. Mind you- she has to be SUPER happy to smile. I'm sure they'll come easier to her soon. Baby steps, baby steps. Here is a picture of her hanging out with a cute teddy bear Uncle Bryan gave her. Clearly they're buds already. 

Family Update

Margot (Pronounced Mar-G0) One week old in her Boppy. 5 Pounds, 10 Ounces

Grandma Young taking a break from her house chores to hold Margot.The first time Grandma Cornelius got to hold her granddaughter! Chester, toy tester, extraordinaire!

Bob and I have been parents for ten days now, and it's been a really amazing week and half!

So here are a couple of updates on how I'm/we're doing:

1. I am healing quite nicely after the c-section- and am off the Percocet a week early. That stuff is just really hard on your mind and body! I was thankful for it the first couple of days after surgery, but hope I never have to take it again.
   
2. My milk has come in perfectly, and baby Margot is gaining weight. Now we're just trying to get through the pain of nursing. My friends say it stops hurting somewhere between 2 and 3 weeks. So each day, we're getting a little closer. She's a little chow hound!
   
3. The whole family is learning how to sleep in 2-4 hour increments and feeding for one hour in between those nap sessions. It's different, but doable.
   
4. Bob is an amazing daddy! I've never seen the man worry about anything in his life, and all of a sudden there is this entirely different side of him. He worries about diaper changes and poo consistencies. He takes Margot's temperature daily and checks to see if she is breathing. There are another dozen things I could add, but I won't. It's nice to see him completely wrapped up in this. I think he is doing a year's worth of worrying in two weeks.
   
5. Bob deploys sometime this week. My heart breaks at the thought of it. And I am starting to worry at what an enormous responsibility it is to raise a baby on one's own!
   
6. My mom has been here and has been a busy little bee. She refers to herself as our house servant. She seriously has laundry clean and folded almost before you take the clothes off your body. The house is vacuumed, a couple of different kinds of cobblers made, and still she has time to hold Margot and read a book. The woman is amazing. I really appreciate her energy. I couldn't have done this without her!
   
7. Bob's mom, Betty, came out for a long weekend visit, and I'm so glad she did. Bob and Betty were planning a trip out in October, and they're still coming then. But who can blame a new grandma for wanting to come out just a little earlier to get a peek at her granddaughter? They're only this size once! Betty's got such a peaceful energy about her, and it was a treat to see her with Margot. Plus a bonus: she makes killer German Style Potato Salad.
   
8. Chester, the beagle, seems to be doing his level best to ignore Margot. He is, however, very interested in all of her toys. We figure they'll be sharing just about everything eventually, so we put blankets in her seats and let him snuggle in them. He'll probably be more into the baby when she is more interactive. Right now she just eats and sleeps like it's her job.
   

We are so thankful for the support and love we've received from everyone. It's fantastic to know we are not in this alone. I might need regular infusions of that message in the year to come. I know raising a baby alone is doable. I have amazing Army friends who have done it and are doing it every day. My hat is completely off to them. And I am humbled beyond words (and scared shitless) to join their ranks this week.

Until next time...