All the world's a stage... I don't think that's what Shakespeare meant.

The five stages of grief... I've heard of them.

1. Denial

2. Anger

3. Depression

4. Bargaining

5. Acceptance

They seem like a really practical way of dealing with grief.

But I'm not grieving. -Step One. Denial. Damn. Okay, I might be grieving a little bit... more so now that the hormones from the ectopic pregnancy are leaving my body.

And why they're taking their sweet-ass time leaving my body and are consequently dragging this pregnancy and grieving process out longer and longer, I don't know.... which INFURIATES me! -Yeah, step 2. Anger.

Here's what I'm mad about right now:

1. Why couldn't this whole thing be done with three weeks ago when it started?

2. Why are the hormones lingering and making me crazy?

3. Why can't I just move on? The egg was the size of a pine nut. Get over yourself, you little nut! (Addressed to myself, not the poor little zygote that apparently couldn't work a compass and didn't know which direction was down, south, the lower floor, the uterus. -Jeez. How hard could it be?-Said, while yelling at my gut).

Am I depressed? Tricky question since people who are depressed don't know it. -Or deny it (step 1). Who knows.

Bargaining. This is me on the treadmill- "Okay, Liz. Run to get strong. The strongest you've ever been, so no baby will choose to vacate your body again. You'll be so strong that you won't let it." Here's me blogging, "Right. So what I'm going to do is eat as much protein and as many vegetables as I can, so that my body is the ideal vessel that no little fetus would DREAM of leaving!"

Yeah, then I think- Get real, Liz. You've been running your whole adult life and haven't met a veg or glass of water you've turned down. -What's the use? (Hmmm... could be step 3. Depression).

I guess this whole process has been harder than I've been willing to admit. But I'm hoping that once the pregnancy is, indeed, over- that I can breeze through the rest of the steps and be on my merry way.

And don't even think about suggesting that kind of thinking is clearly Step 1, because I might be tempted to act on Step 2 and wring your neck.