What If...

If you've been following the book progress on Facebook, then you know I've got some interest in my work from a couple of different literary management agencies.

First, let me just say how surreal this is! It's one thing to sit in your tiny guest bedroom/office/library in Washington State crafting a novel; it's something else entirely when you try to launch that book into the public. When you're writing it, at times you think you're Shakespeare, and at other times, you think it's pure drivel. But mostly you can picture people plunking down their cold, hard cash to read your baby.

Then it comes time to launch that book. I admit with my first effort to find a literary agent, I had half an idea what I was doing, and then I misspelled the title of my OWN DAMN BOOK in the very first query I wrote! -Alas. It was embarrassing, but as you can see- I've moved on. That agent that I flubbed the letter to was a great agent, but in hindsight- not the one for me. She didn't bother to respond to my query, and- frankly- who can blame her?

So this time I was systematic. I was methodical. I felt guilty for putting my girls in childcare so I could spend eight hours a day cranking out letters and synopses and first fifty page sets.

But... there is light at the end of this tunnel! This time I've received five "No thank yous," and two "maybes!" And then the two maybes turned into two "please give us more!" And now...

The agent of my dreams has been trading friendly e-mails with me a couple of times a day, and I feel like I will know something by Friday. Maybe she'll finish my manuscript and will pass, but...
I feel like she will offer me representation.

Could Joyce Carol Oates and Gregory McGuire (the guy who wrote Wicked) and I all be represented by the same firm? Dare I even hope?

And this is the point of this musing. Yes, I do think I dare. I spoke for a while with my dear, dear friend Annette today. And she asked me a very good question. It went something like this:
Annette: "Are you ecstatic?!"
Me: "Yes, I think so. Mostly I'm hopeful."
Annette: "You get to dream right now, and you get to hope. Don't miss this time."

I went about my business this afternoon and pondered my friend's words. There are times in your life where you prepare and plan and HOPE. When you're dating the person who will be your partner, you dream, and hope, and plan. And you swoon with joy and the newness of it all.

When you're pregnant with your baby, you dream, and hope, and plan. And you swoon with the joy and newness of it all.

And maybe, just maybe, this is one of those times. I'm beginning to dream, and hope, and plan. And tonight I'm swooning with the joy and newness of it all.

I don't know what the next phases will look like. But for tonight, Bob and I were talking and planning and dreaming.
It looks like something will happen with my book. Something little or something big, it's really looking like I'll make it into print and on to bookshelves. -And strangers who don't know me and won't feel obligated because they're my cousins will purchase my books, my words.

And I will travel to book stores and speak to these readers. Maybe they will be Mom & Pop booksellers in the Kansas and Missouri region. (Maybe I can come speak at Orca in Oly). -Of course I'm thinking I will need a cute little J. Crew trousseau. Maybe four or five outfits I wear when on the road.

And maybe... it will grow larger!

The maybes could be stressful if you let them be. But they are also kind of fun. It's like looking through the Toys 'R Us catalogue before Christmas time when you're little and have no concept of money or budget or Reaganomics and its toll on your small family business.
The possibilities are endless. And shiny. And what if it all comes true?

You know I love to talk and wear J. Crew clothes. Sign me  up for book tour! Oh, and maybe my dream agent will call me by the end of the week. A girl can dream, and hope, and plan. And maybe... swoon a little bit.